Dark Night
by Zelas Metalium
Summary: One dark night Shizuma's emotions and sorrow get the best of her. She visits a grave after someone dear dies. Years later, she reflects on this same dark night with a new-found understanding of her feelings. Shizuma's thoughts after Kaori's death & Nagisa


Strawberry Panic

**A/N:** I was wanting to write something that was dark yet beautiful that may be depressing but was something where you could feel the surroundings and see the beauty of the dark night, I have no idea if I was successful or not, I'll let you be the judge of that! I the idea (at least for the first part) from the Strawberry Panic manga when they were showing Kaori's funeral. The images were just so beautiful and sad to me that I wanted to do something that tried to capture more from that moment. Shizuma and the others were still in their school uniforms but they had those black veils and you could see the tears falling from under Shizuma's. And in the anime she got upset and destroyed things and accidently cut herself, so this little idea popped into my head. I'm sorry if you think this is out of character. The second part is just her thinking back on the times after Kaori's death, when she meets Nagisa, and then when she finally admits that she did in fact love them.

**Discalimer:** No, they aren't mine... *Cries*

* * *

_**Dark Night**_

It was a beautiful night. The trees stretched high into the night sky keeping the moon from expanding its light. Here beneath the thick branches, no light could reach me; everything was blacker than the purest of ebony. Up ahead, I could see that in the clearing that I was walking towards, the moon was able to penetrate through the darkness. It cascaded down with an ethereal blue light that only the moon could possess. I smiled slightly. The trees around me hummed soft melodies as the wind danced through their branches. Leaving the trees behind, the wind came to my ear and whispered soothing words of comfort and dark unknown secrets as it scurried through my long hair. In my hand I tightly clenched a magnificent bouquet of flowers. They were gardenias.

I finally entered the clearing and stepped into the moon's glowing embrace. It felt warm there despite the freezing wind. Slowly I walked around the large stones that jutted from the ground. Seeing these stones all around the clearing was a horrid reminder of why I was there. Suddenly, all of the warmth that I had felt just a moment before was gone. The night air penetrated my dress and pierced through my body. Tears stung my eyes as they threatened to spill out onto my cheeks.

I continued wandering around the stones gradually making my way to the opposite side of the clearing. The trees loomed over this end of the clearing, casting shadows across the moonlit clearing. I looked up and saw my destination; a single solitary stone that was almost completely sealed in the darkness. It was the smallest out of all of the others. Silently, I eased down to kneel in front of the small stone. Gracefully, I lifted my hand and wiped away all of the dirt and dust covering the letters carved into the stone. I gingerly laid the gardenias on the soft ground in front of the stone. I pulled one of the flowers free from the others. Rotating it slowly in my hand, I was captivated by its perfection and was pained by the thought of what I was about to do.

Continuing to rotate it, I took one of the petals in between my fingers and pulled it free. Humming softly, I removed each petal letting them fall onto the stone. By the time only a small green steam remained in my hand, the tears in my eyes flowed freely. My hand fell limp as I succumbed to my grieving sobs. The icy wind encircled me as if it were a futile blanket of comfort. I lifted my arms and wrapped them around myself in an empty embrace. Softly through my sobs, my humming turned into a soft haunting melody:

"Darkness circle me, let me be free

Take me to where my love lies, Please hear my painful cries

I give you this flower, come to me this hour

And end my sorrow now…

While you are sleeping, I am weeping

Please wake up and dry my tears, chase away my uncertainties and fears

Turn back the darkness to light, and tell me everything will be all right

And end my sorrow now…

Just because you're gone, I mustn't move on

I won't abandon you; I'm coming for you

To end my sorrow now…"

Silently, I reached into a hidden pocket in my dress and pulled out an intricately carved knife. Teasing the blade free from its protective position, I held it up against the light of the moon. Bringing it down again, I made a few slices and replaced the blade. Wincing slightly, I laid down on the ground next the stone. Smiling, I sang again:

"Just because you gone, I mustn't move on

I won't abandon you; I'm coming for you

To end my sorrow now…"

My voice faded as my eyes closed. The ground as well as the beautiful white flowers was stained red. By the time the dark crimson liquid had reached the stone, I was nearly gone…

The next thing I knew after that night was darkness, but darkness unlike before when I tried to return to her. I felt pain. I felt a sharp pain in my head like someone was constantly trying to slice it open to dissect my brain. I thought that I should open my eyes, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to be here still… without her.

_Kaori…_

I felt the tears start to form in my still-closed eyes as one escaped and rolled down my cheek. I didn't understand how I was supposed to do this without her… How could life go on without her?

I don't know how… but it did… life went on… and so did I. I had to. Every day was another painful reminder of her. I walked the paths that we once walked together and a piece of me died inside a little more. I saw young girls come and go and none of them were Kaori… how could they be? She is dead… I tried so hard to distract myself with those other girls thinking maybe one of them would make me forget, if only just for a little while. Really though, is that what I wanted? To forget? I wasn't really sure… I know that I wanted the pain to go away, somehow… The existence I had was tiring… Everyone looked to me to be the head of the school, be the head of all three schools, but how could I do that when I struggled everyday just to keep going? Just to keep standing? All those young girls looked to me for guidance, but I was afraid that they should have been looking elsewhere.

That's when I saw her… It was strange to see someone walking on the school grounds without a Miator school uniform. I had heard a rumor of a new exchange student but had not yet met her. She captured my attention immediately. Nagisa… She changed everything for me. She made me actually feel again, in both good and bad ways. She brought up emotions and memories that I had tried so hard to bury, but she brought other things in me that I had forgotten about. Things that made me feel alive again and life felt important, something that I hadn't thought in a long time…at least not since Kaori. I was foolish to let my pride and fear get in the way… It's seems like such an easy thing to do, but it took me so long to say it… I wasn't sure then, I never really thought about it, but yes, I did love Kaori… but she's gone, and I've accepted that and now… I'm glad I lived that dark night long ago… If I hadn't then I would never have even met you, Nagisa-chan… I love you… Nagisa…

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know what you think! ^_^

-Zelas


End file.
